he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
