my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
