If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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