Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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