I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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