proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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