I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
