i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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