ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this hospital has no fireball
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
