thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
