The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
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He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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