These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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