Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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