In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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