is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
