I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
