Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
