i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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