His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
