all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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