i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If I die, sorry about rent.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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