i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
