Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
