just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
