So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
