The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
