u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
