Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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