she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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