yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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