I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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