I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Randomize
