if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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