my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
