I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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