I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
