He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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