We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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