I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
