I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
