I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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