Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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