I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
