i need an iv and a liver transplant
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
