Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
