ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
