She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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