rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
