We're facebook friends in real life
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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