Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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