i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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