found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
