So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i now understand why vodka
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
