My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
