Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
