I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
