You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
