I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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