My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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