I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
