I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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