"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
