So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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